got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
