In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
