Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
