i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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