I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
