I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
