Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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