and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
