So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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