meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
