i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
