Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
