we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
