oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
