Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
