I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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