No stitches, just platelets and will power
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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