She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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