TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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