Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
