Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
