Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
A bitchslap is in order.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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