Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
