oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
