Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
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i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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