Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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