She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
