i think i have two assholes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
