Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
