Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
