I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
