i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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