I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
