I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
