So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
