Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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