Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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