sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
