I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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