and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
