im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
