you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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