get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
its not stalking. its research.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
