but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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