I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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