apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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