someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
