Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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