You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
