if you like me you must not know who I am
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize