id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need a beard to bite.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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