I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
