She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
