your parents love me but you hate me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
