My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
