I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
