I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
