A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
