i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
