never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
