Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
