big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
