i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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