The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
