Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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